Saturday, January 23, 2016

My Natural Cure for Heavy Periods, Cramps, and Anemia


I am actually feeling great on my little low carb diet. I haven’t lost any weight this week but I’ve lost inches. Last week I lost five pounds, three pounds over my two pounds a week goal. I’m not worried yet about my weight loss plateau, but it’s probably still time to cut out some of my chocolaty low carb Atkins treats. I’m sure if I can’t pronounce the additives and sweeteners my body can’t either.  Besides I’m measuring two inches smaller around the waist.  My blood pressure, the whole reason I’m doing this, is still wonky. 126/107 this morning. That bottom number is my nemesis. Don’t feel bad for me yet. I haven’t cut out my salt…precious…my precious…don’t touch my slatzy (Please imagine me here, huddled in a corner, protectively stroking my Redmond’s Sea Salt shaker…better add in some bulgy crazed eyes while you’re at it).

                With not much news on my diet I thought you’d want to stop in for something valuable today. Maybe I can help you with something that drove me crazy. I’m just going to put this out there to thousands of people. …Can…not…believe…I…am…blogging…about…this. But really, I would be socially irresponsible if I didn’t. How can I let my sisters all over the world continue to suffer when I’ve found some pretty awesome ways to deal with:
Anemia and Menstruation
                Phew. Typing those words was the hardest part. Now on to the honesty.  First off, I have a bachelors of science in FINANCE, and though I took at few upper division nursing classes, they were fluffy credit fillers at best (Loved that massage class).  So if you are having a problem with heavy periods and/or anemia, see your doctor and only do things like I’m going to suggest with the doctor’s ok.

My Natural Cure for Heavy Periods and Cramps: Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, let me tell you my story. My high school friends had heavy periods. I was the snot with the perfect period that they glared at as they moaned with cramps and filled maxi pads. I didn’t get too moody. The flow wasn’t too bad. It arrived on time and left on time.  But I had anemia. I’m not a big red meat eater, and never have been so that didn’t help.

                How I knew I had anemia was the face dragging, sluggish, feet-in-cinderblocks feeling I had when I walked down the high school hallways. The doctor did what most doctors do. He prescribed the good ol’ constipation causing Ferretts pills. I had to take a lot to not be anemic.

                Fast forward to many years later, battling increasingly pesky anemia, and motherhood.  I was probably mother of three toddlers by then. Enter the first really, really heavy period I ever had. I’ve lovingly adopted the term slaughtered cow for those kinds of periods. I know too many women can identify with the imagery here.  Here’s the, “You’re just going to have to trust me,” part because I have not been able to find again why this works. I searched long hours on the internet and never did save the link. Calcium/Magnesium and a B 50 vitamin slow the flow. When I say slow the flow, understand that I now pretty much choose how much of a period I allow my body to have.  If I am having a heavy period I take 2 B50 complex vitamins (over the counter kind from Wal-Mart). B50 complex vitamins will make your pee very yellow. If you are silly enough to lick them, they don’t taste good. I will take florescent yellow pee over slaughtered cow any day.  I also take two calcium vitamins but they have to have magnesium in them (over the counter kind from Wal-Mart).  This slows my period way down. If my period is being stubborn I take the pills again in two hours. I’ve never had to do it more than three times in one day.  An awesome side effect is it stops cramping. You heard me. Fake child labor, g-o-n-e.  You know how you give birth to little girls and then they grow up to be grumpy, crampy teenagers. Not mine. I shove some vitamins in their hand with a tall glass of water, voila, they turn into humans again.

                The kicker is, I’ve never been able to find since why these vitamins work on heavy menstrual periods. I have internet searched many hours of my life away on this one. I have a lot of followers. Let me invite you to figure out why 2 B50 pills and 2 Calcium/Magnesium pills slows a menstrual flow. Then return and report, because I would love to know.

                The monster, doctor baffling, flow:  That was all good and fine until my body threw a slaughtered cow party the likes of which I could never have imagined. It was as though I had an open artery just bleeding out, pouring if you will. The vitamins weren’t working. My friends were coming over with sales pitches on ablations. I couldn’t run away from them because, with no blood inside my body, the anemia was having a hay day.  Back to the doctor I went. They prescribe Ferretts, which I did not take for reasons I’ll mention in the anemia part of this article. They tested…ew…ultrasounds, new ones that were very uncomfortable, blood tests (had to practice my surprise face when they told me about the severe anemia..you think?). The whole time I’m thinking a hysterectomy is coming my way and one of my best friends, Tera, is waving around this essential oil bottle, promising me cloud-parting miracles. I did my talk to my hand, I’m listening to the grownups on this one thing. Since this time, I’ve been humbled and I realize that Tera is the grownup to listen to.

                After I came home with my paper work that had fancy words, I headed to the computer to look them up. If we could label what was wrong, then we could start fixing it. I was calling Tera ten minutes later because what was technically wrong was a bunch of big long words for you’re-bleeding-too-much-and-we-don’t-know-why (tack on, “If you’re still alive in a month, come back and see us”).  Cha-ching. Here’s your money.

                Tera had a bottle of Clary Sage essential oil. I won’t lie.  It smells a little like perfume a granola, hippie woman would wear (no offence to my granola friends. You’re definitely doing something right if you’re that healthy). She told me to swipe it across my abdomen and on the inside of my ankles…not pour the whole tiny bottle, just dab some on my finger and swipe. I love Tera. She has a lot of darling little kids and she’s pretty to boot, but I was thinking she was one bulb shy of a box on this one. However, I was desperate so I did it. The only bad side effect was my husband sniffing around, “Do you smell granola woman in here?”  I HAVE TO CAPITALIZE THE REST BECAUSE TERA IS AWESOME. NOT IN THIRTY MINUTES, BUT IN FIVE, MY FLOW ALMOST STOPPED. My slaughtered cow, artery severed flow that had lasted weeks and baffled the newest medical technology (and cost us well over a grand) just stopped. I swear as I sat on the edge of my bath tub, leaning back because of the anemia, and felt the flow ebb, tumble weeds blew by and the gentle sound of summer night crickets filled the room as the warm breeze of trial-over caressed my care worn face.  So I basically worship Tera now and I have my own bottle of clary sage. I’m happy to report I’ve only used it three times all these years and once on a daughter. It has worked every time.           

My Natural Cures for Anemia:  I mentioned that Ferrets don’t really work for me.  Turns out they don’t really work for a lot of people over thirty.  Your intestines develop a sort of plaque as you age and your body has a really hard time absorbing iron from the pills through the plaque.

Cure #1: I’m listing these in order of least favorite to favorite. My first cure was from my granny. Black Strap Molasses. If you put it in milk it tastes a lot like chocolate milk with cat pee in it (Don’t ask how I know that taste).  Here’s the kicker, put it in almond milk, because taking iron anything with dairy will make the iron not absorb. Almond milk, coconut milk, soy milk (never recommended, especially if you’re having menstrual issues)..doesn’t matter…all tastes like chocolate milk with cat pee in it. It works great. How much do you take? I would take ¼ cup molasses with about 10-16 oz of milk. Calorie friendly? No.  Works, yes, but is one of my weakest successes.

Cure #2: Floradix is AWESOME. My friend, Mary, came to visit when I was pregnant with baby #4. The anemia was worse than ever. The face dragging, sluggish, feet-in-cinderblocks feeling was constant. She told me about Floradix. It’s like raspberry juice married spinach leaves in a watery concoction. I can’t say it tastes bad. It doesn’t. It also does not taste good. I’m neutral on the flavor. WOW! Talk about work in a half hour. At the time I thought it was the best thing since indoor plumbing. I was dancing and running around (until they put me on bed rest for unrelated issues). I pause here to say that, yes, I did ask God why he waited until I had suffered a life time and was on my last baby to show me this cure. He and I have since made friendly. Apparently my character improves as I learn to endure trials cheerfully. Wow, do I get a lot of opportunities to improve my character (forcing myself to feel gratitude).
                There are some down sides to Floradix. You have to keep it in your fridge. It never takes a whole bottle for you to feel awesome. It only lasts thirty days in the fridge. It’s a bit pricey for something that goes bad in the fridge right before you need it again.

Cure #3 (And ALL TIME FAVORITE): I know I told you in my last post about my Dr. Frazier and about how he’s managed to fix just about anything I take to him. I came in with anemia. It was light anemia that I was allowing to exist because Floradix is pricey and calorie heavy molasses tastes like chocolate pee. He pulled out Ferrofood, an iron supplement….in a bottle…in a taste-free pill…with a long shelf life…that absorbs in my intestines…isn’t constipation causing….and isn’t as costly as trying to keep Floradix in my fridge. He has me on two a day, one in the morning and one at night, because let’s face it, I’m a little chronic in the anemia area. I may be on this stuff for the rest of my life.  When I’m menstruating I take two in the morning and two at night. Prognoses: ANEMIA SOLVED.

                I hope my suffering and learning here with be of help to someone. Let me know. I’ll just end with a disclaimer: I’m not a doctor. If you are bleeding too much, cramping, dragging your face with anemia, see a doctor just to be safe.

So to summarize my experience:

Natural Cure #1 for Heavy Menstrual Flow and Cramps= 2 B50 and 2 Calcium/Magnesium vitamins every 2 hours until the flow slows. I usually only have to take them once before mine slows.

Natural Cure #2 for Heavy Menstrual Flow and Cramps = Clary sage essential oil. Swipe it over your abdomen and on the inside of your ankles. I’ve seriously never had to do it more than once in a day to see an immediate result. This goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway: NOT FOR PREGNANT WOMEN.  Besides, if you’re pregnant and bleeding, get to the hospital and see if you can save that baby.

Natural Cure #1 for Anemia= Black Strap Molasses

Natural Cure #2 for Anemia= Floradix

Natural Cure #3 for Anemia (And ALL TIME FAVORITE): Ferrofood and Dr. Frazier

Did you like this article? Do me a favor and PIN some of the article images at the top of this post. I don't know about sharing it on Facebook.  EWWWW guys would see it. Just as bad as that first romantic date, watching a movie on syndicated television when advertisements for women's hygiene products would come on. Really? They couldn't save that for day time???!! And here I am talking about it with thousands...oh, what have I sunk to?


Lisa said...

I laughed so hard when you desribed the taste of blackstrap molasses. People often recommend it to me. Obviously they have never tasted it!

Administrator said...

They are probably thinking molasses=maple syrup.